5 “Heasons” Renato Laranja Is Better Than You

June 6, 2016

I ran into the most famous man in the history of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Renato Laranja, at EBI6 not long ago.  Not only did he kick my ass, which was only made less painful by the fact that he’s choked out people like Eddie Bravo and Chris Weidman, he gave me a new appreciation for how utterly good he is.  So here are the top 5 reasons Renato Laranja is better than you and everybody else… especially that poor Jeff Glover guy.

Renato 1

He has more world titles than Marcelo Garcia, Roger Gracie, and Buchecha combined!

Renato is a 27 time world champion.  27!  Some people can’t even count that high, let alone win that many of anything!

Renato 2

His “Eggplanchee” is bigger than yours

I picked him up for the picture and almost dropped him because his weight is so unevenly distributed.  He confirmed that all his weight was below the waist.  If you’re still skeptical, the entourage of smoking hot women that you can see in any of his videos should put it to bed.  I mean, unless he’s doing the whole horsedick.mpeg thing from Miss March, the dude is packing some serious heat!

Renato 3

He ages better than you

Renato is a 10th degree black belt.  According to the IBJJF belt system, the earliest you can get your black belt is at age 18.  Then you have to wait in 3yr, 5yr, and 7yr increments for stripes. To be a 10th degree you have to be a founding member of the system, which of course he is, and need at least 48 years as a black belt.  He’s the best looking 66+ year old I know and I guarantee you won’t look that good when you’re that old.

Renato 4

He quit “Heefer,” sniffing glue, and all that “stuffs” cold turkey

Laranja grew up in the favelas of Brazil and was addicted to the “reefer” and all kinds of “stuffs” for mind enhancement.  Unlike some people who require a twelve step program, his had just 1.  He quit and did jiu jitsu.  You may want to credit jiu jitsu for that but let’s be honest.  It was Renato that gave that power of will to jiu jitsu and he is the reason that anyone else who was a junkie and found jiu jitsu and quit was successful.

Renato 5

The most interesting man in the world has a tattoo of Renato Laranja on his right butt cheek

His momma told him not to do it but what momma don’t know…

Holding Renato

You can pick up your Words T from VVVFightco and be on the lookout for the upcoming Storm Kimonos promotional campaign…Renato Knows!

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  • Reply Miki June 6, 2016 at 5:40 PM

    Haha. This was fun to read. Jiujitsu is for real, but the guys all have a sense of humor and it’s a nice break from all the seriousness happening around world’s right now.

    • Reply tommcmahon June 14, 2016 at 12:00 AM

      Thanks! You’re the best and most supportive ever! Definitely nice to mix it up a little bit with a fun post.

    • Reply tommcmahon June 27, 2016 at 11:58 PM

      It was fun to write. He’s a trip for sure. Thanks for all the support! You’re the best ever!

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